When the stakes are high, our instinct is often to move faster.

Answer the email. Solve the problem. Make the call. Defend the decision. Put out the fire before it becomes something bigger.

But urgency and good judgment aren’t always the same thing.

In fact, some of the decisions that matter most—the conversation that could change a relationship, the business problem that threatens months of work, the conflict that’s suddenly escalating, the career decision that feels impossible to undo—benefit from something that can feel counterintuitive in the moment:

Calm.

Not passivity. Not avoidance. And certainly not pretending that everything is fine.

Calm is the ability to stay grounded enough to think clearly when the situation around you is anything but calm. And according to attorney and IAW Influencer Ashlie Surur, it’s a skill professionals can consciously develop.

As an attorney who works with individuals and businesses navigating disputes, uncertainty, and complex legal situations, Surur regularly encounters people at moments when the pressure is already high.

“People typically come to lawyers when they’re confused or when something isn’t going well personally or in their business,” she says. “The most meaningful part of my work is helping individuals and businesses navigate uncertainty by bringing clarity, steadiness, and direction during challenging moments.”

That same approach has applications far beyond the courtroom.

Whether you’re leading a company, managing a team, negotiating with a client, facing an unexpected setback, or simply making a difficult decision, your ability to regulate your response can directly affect the quality of what happens next.

Your First Reaction Doesn’t Have to Become Your Next Decision

Pressure has a way of shrinking our field of vision.

We become focused on the immediate problem. We want relief. We want certainty. We want to make the uncomfortable feeling go away.

That’s when reactive decisions happen.

We send the message we’re still angry about. We agree to something because saying no feels difficult. We make a sweeping decision based on one frustrating interaction. We rush toward a solution before we’re even sure we’ve correctly identified the problem.

The goal isn’t to eliminate emotion from decision-making. That’s neither realistic nor necessarily desirable.

The goal is to create enough space between what happened and what you do next to choose your response intentionally.

That might mean asking:

• What do I actually know right now?
• What am I assuming?
• Does this truly require an immediate response?
• What outcome am I trying to create?
• What decision will I still feel comfortable defending a week from now?

Sometimes leadership looks decisive because someone acts quickly.

Other times, leadership looks like being the person willing to say, I need to understand this before I respond.

Clarity Usually Comes Before Strategy

When Surur works through high-stakes situations, her approach is grounded in strong strategy, effective communication, and practical outcomes.

But strategy becomes much harder when you’re operating from panic.

Before asking, What should I do?, it can help to first ask, What is actually happening?

Separate the facts from the fear around them.

A difficult client conversation isn’t necessarily the loss of a client. One bad month isn’t necessarily a failing business. A disagreement with a colleague isn’t necessarily a broken relationship. A mistake isn’t necessarily a catastrophe.

The story our mind creates under pressure can quickly become bigger than the facts in front of us.

Clarity brings the situation back down to its actual size.

From there, you can begin identifying your options, considering consequences, gathering information, and determining which problems genuinely require your attention.

Calm Doesn’t Mean You Won’t Fight for What Matters

There’s another misconception worth challenging: that being calm, empathetic, or relational somehow makes someone less formidable.

Surur has encountered her own version of that assumption throughout her career.

“People are often surprised to learn I’m a lawyer because of stereotypes that portray lawyers as aggressive or combative,” she explains. “I believe strong advocacy and empathy can coexist. I will absolutely fight when necessary, but my approach is grounded, measured, and relational.”

That’s an important distinction for leaders, too.

You can be calm and still hold someone accountable.

You can be empathetic and still set a boundary.

You can listen carefully and still disagree.

You can be kind and still negotiate hard.

You can take time to understand a situation and still make a difficult decision.

Emotional intensity isn’t proof of conviction. Sometimes the strongest person in the conversation is the one who doesn’t need to escalate it.

Know What Deserves Your Attention

Staying calm under pressure is also easier when everything isn’t treated like a five-alarm fire.

That’s a lesson Surur learned through experience.

Early in her career, she says she believed taking on every opportunity and responsibility was the best way to grow. Eventually, saying yes to everything became overcommitment and burnout.

It’s a familiar pattern for ambitious professionals.

When you’re capable, people ask.

When you’re dependable, people rely on you.

When you’re ambitious, you see opportunity everywhere.

And when you’ve built an identity around being the person who can handle things, deciding not to take something on can feel almost irresponsible.

But effective leadership requires prioritization.

Not every request deserves an immediate yes.

Not every issue requires your personal involvement.

Not every opportunity is your opportunity.

And not every urgent request is actually important.

One of the most useful questions a leader can ask in a high-pressure moment is:

Does this require my reaction—or does it require my judgment?

The two aren’t the same.

Let Your Values Become a Decision Filter

When the right answer isn’t obvious, Surur recommends returning to something more fundamental: your values.

She encourages professionals to identify the three to five values that matter most to them and consciously align the way they work, lead, and interact with those values.

“We can’t control every task or situation, but we can control how we show up,” she says. “Living in alignment with your values creates clarity, consistency, and fulfillment.”

Values become especially useful when circumstances get complicated.

Imagine you’re facing a decision with no perfect option. Instead of endlessly searching for certainty, ask:

Which choice allows me to behave most consistently with the leader I want to be?

If one of your core values is integrity, what does integrity require here?

If it’s compassion, how can compassion influence the way you communicate without preventing accountability?

If it’s courage, where might you be avoiding the conversation you know needs to happen?

If it’s excellence, are you making a thoughtful decision—or simply trying to make the problem disappear?

Values don’t make difficult decisions easy.

They make them clearer.

Build Your Reset Before You Need It

The best time to develop your response to pressure isn’t necessarily while you’re standing in the middle of a crisis.

It’s before one arrives.

Surur has been intentionally building a simple practice into her own routine: stepping outside, getting sunlight, slowing down, and practicing conscious breathing.

It isn’t complicated.

That’s part of the point.

A leadership reset doesn’t have to involve a perfect morning routine or 30 minutes of meditation. It can be a practice that reminds your nervous system—and your brain—that you don’t have to respond to every situation at the speed at which it arrived.

Before a difficult meeting, take three intentional breaths.

Before responding to the email that made your heart rate spike, stand up and walk away for five minutes.

Before making a major decision, give yourself permission to gather more information.

Before saying yes, ask whether the commitment actually aligns with your priorities.

Small pauses can create dramatically different outcomes.

Steady Is Powerful

We often celebrate leadership that’s highly visible: the bold announcement, the decisive move, the powerful presentation, the big strategic bet.

But much of leadership happens in quieter moments.

It’s how you respond when someone challenges you.

It’s what you do when the plan falls apart.

It’s whether people feel more or less frantic after bringing you a problem.

It’s whether you can distinguish between something that requires immediate action and something that simply feels urgent.

And it’s whether, in a difficult moment, you can remain connected to your judgment, your values, and the outcome you’re actually trying to create.

Calm isn’t the absence of pressure.

It’s the ability to remain intentional inside of it.

And in a world that constantly rewards faster reactions, that may be one of the most valuable leadership skills we can build.

About Ashlie Surur

Ashlie Surur is an attorney and Owner/Co-Founder of Surur & Thongkham, PLLC. Her work focuses on civil litigation, business law, dispute resolution, and helping individuals and organizations navigate complex, high-pressure situations with clarity and strategic guidance. She is also passionate about mentorship, lawyer wellbeing, career development, priority management, and helping the next generation of professionals build meaningful and sustainable careers.